Over the last few months I have been web surfing looking for useful information about weddings - I have just set up my own wedding co-ordination business in the Heart of England, and felt that the easiest and cheapest way to find information was to see what was out there in cyberspace! Most of the sites I came across were US sites, and were full of useful hints and tips. But it soon became apparent that a traditional English wedding differs in many of its customs and traditions from an American wedding.

So how are they different? Of course the basics are the same - the bride wears a beautiful gown, the groom wears a suit, the mother of the bride has a good cry, the smaller bridesmaids are very very naughty, Aunt Doris and Uncle Fred aren't speaking to one another because of an argument they had in 1975, and everyone heads off to the reception to relax and listen to some embarrassing speeches! Most of the differences seem to be in what happens during the lead up to the wedding, rather than on the big day itself.

Is it going to rain?

Mention a wedding shower to a British bride and she'll think you are telling her that it's going to rain on her wedding day! In Britain there is no such thing as a wedding shower. (For British readers of this article, a wedding shower is when the bride's female friends and relations get together for a party and bring gifts). We sometimes have engagement parties, but these seem to be less popular now than in recent years. So this means that any gifts the bride and groom receive are bestowed on or just before the wedding day itself. I guess this makes it easier for the guests, but it's probably not as much fun. Getting two sets of presents must surely be better than getting one!

So what do British brides and grooms do to celebrate their impending marriage? Well the groom goes on a stag night, and the women go on a hen night. I don't know if Americans do anything similar, but judge for yourselves:

Hen night: Bride-to-be assembles a group of female friends and relatives for an evening of alcoholic revelry - usually a week before the wedding. The bride is forced to wear silly clothes which have been painstakingly made by her so-called friends - this usually takes the form of a very silly and embarrassing hat adorned with balloons, 'Learner Driver' plates, and some less-savoury decorations of the contraceptive variety!

Stag night: more intense and potentially dangerous version of the hen night due to excessive amount of testosterone gathered in one place and then subjected to - you've guessed it - alcohol! A stag night is not considered to be a success unless:
· the stags have been forcibly thrown out of at least one pub
· they all go to a traditional 'British' curry house for a "I can eat a spicier curry than you can" competition
· the 'stags' organise a 'kiss-a-gram' for the very-embarrassed groom. Said 'kiss-a-gram' girl is normally rather larger than she should be, surrounded by at least 2 'bodyguards', and only ever stays for half the amount of time she was booked for
· the groom wakes up at 3am tied to a lamppost in the centre of town minus his shirt, pants and worse!

The more observant amongst you will note the undertones of ritual humiliation involved in these two events - perhaps it's a peculiarly British trait!

When do I have to rehearse my dinner?

I also began to read about 'rehearsal dinners'. "What's a rehearsal dinner?" I thought to myself. "Surely the bride and groom don't have to eat a sample of the entire meal?" No of course they don't! (For British readers, a rehearsal dinner is when close family members and sometimes close friends all get together for a meal with the bride and groom, often on the eve of the wedding). This seems to be a formal or semi-formal event, very much expected of the bride and groom. In England, there is no expectation of such a gathering, although it is quite likely that most families will get together and meet each other at some point during the lead-up to the wedding. It's not unusual though for the 'in-laws' to meet each for the first time at the actual wedding.

In England, a typical eve-of-wedding scenario would be:

Groom's house: house is empty because groom and friends have gone down to the pub. (unless there's a soccer match on TV).

Bride's house: bride, her mother and father, bride's sisters, bride's nieces and nephews, cats, dogs, neighbours, and assorted "well-wishers" all contrive to have the bride's mother making endless sandwiches and cups of tea. By this time the bride is nearing total nervous exhaustion following 'helpful' remarks like: "You haven't lost quite as much weight as you wanted, have you?";
or
"Is the reception at XXXXX Hotel? I went to a reception there last month, and we had to send for the doctor the next day because we all had food poisoning",
and not forgetting the classic
"Oh Jim's a lovely boy. I remember when he was dating Mandy from across the street. It's a shame it didn't work out for them, but she didn't like it when he decided to go on holiday with his mum instead of her"

When all is said and done though, a traditional English wedding day is very similar to an American one. The only differences seem to be that the procession is different - in England, the bride and her father lead the procession into church, followed by the attendants. We also don't have Unity candles, but apart from that things are pretty much the same. What is different is that up until recently couples marrying in England have had very little say in the style of their wedding - it seemed to be pretty much dictated by what the church would allow, and what the reception venue would let you do. Thankfully this has all changed, particularly now that British couples can marry in a much greater variety of premises. Up until recently, in England you could only get married either in church or at a registry office - now there are thousands of licensed premises offering civil marriage ceremonies. (In Scotland it has been possible to marry in a variety of venues for some time). British couples are now beginning to take control of the style of their weddings, with themed weddings becoming more popular. Why shouldn't they take control - the average British wedding now costs about £11,000!

There's only one more difference I can think of now - and it's the title of this magazine. In the UK, it would be called Weddings 999!

Sandra Phillips
Amulet Wedding Consultancy
England, UK
http://www.amulet.freeserve.co.uk/