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We have decided to get
married on a yacht and to throw a quiet, intimate
reception after for those in attendance (our immediate
families). Is it then okay to throw a cake and
champagne reception later that same for those people whom
weren't invited to the wedding or is that tacky?
In some circumstances it is not offensive to invite a
relatively small group of extended family and friends to a
post-wedding reception. This is also becoming a fairly
common practice for couples who wed out-of-town.
Contemporary etiquette seems to conflict on the subject, and
my personal belief is that that is because each situation is
different-- so guests react differently to the idea.
When any couple makes wedding plans, there are decisions
made about guest list, location, timing, amenities, etc.,
which may not accommodate
all the expectations of family and friends. Certainly, as
in your case
with the yacht wedding, there are priorities and also budget
considerations which make other decisions/options
impractical or impossible.
There is no "perfect wedding" from the standpoint that you
can do
everything and please everyone. You make priorities and
plan according
to those, and live with what you might "miss" because of
them -- and
also try to be gracious when these plans and priorities
don't jive with
the expectations of family and friends.
If you do not want all your extended family, etc., at the
ceremony,
that's a legitimate choice. An intimate wedding *does* have
a different
feel than a larger service. That's a priority. If you cannot
afford to
host a larger number of guests, that's also a legitimate
issue. If your
family and friends are offended, that's also a legitimate
concern-- but
it has to be weighed with the other issues and considerations, to decide
if it's important enough to try to make other plans or not.
Is a separate reception the "right" solution, if you decide
on that?
Hard to say. It depends on your family relationships, social
circle, the
impression those guests have/will have about why they are
not included
in the "real" ceremony and reception, and a number of other
considerations.
In your case, I wonder if, more than whether it's tacky or
not, the main
issue is if you really want a second reception at all. You
said "even
if I wanted to invite them" to the ceremony/reception you
couldn't
afford to do so. That sounds like maybe you are thinking of
the reception afterwards to please people who are pressuring
you for an invite "to party", as you mentioned.
If you feel that more of the potential second reception
guests really
only want a party, then whether you provide one (as well as
how and
when) might be different than if you really feel that family
members and
friends are really hurt about being excluded from this
important event
in your life.
I personally think that a lot of the "receptions" that are
given after weddings away, elopements, etc., should be just
"parties" , and maybe
that would be a more appropriate format for celebrating with
your extended family, etc., too. Sometimes it seems rude
to guests to include them in the "B list" reception (not the
"real" one). Like you think they only want to party, I've
had guests express to me that they
think they are invited to a secondary reception "only to
bring a gift".
Perhaps you could have your parents, who seem to have more
guests in
mind than you do, plan to host a big party in your honor
sometime in the
month after the wedding, so guests can hear about the
ceremony, share
their congratulations, etc. Then you could enjoy the rest
of your wedding day as you choose, you would retain the
intimate atmosphere that you and your fiancι seem to value,
party guests might feel less like they'd been slighted since
it's a totally separate event, and your
parents would get to host those extra folks they wanted
included.
If you were a client of mine, I would suggest you spread the
word (by
word of mouth, not invitation) that gifts are discouraged
(it's more
gracious on your parts this way), and have your folks keep
the focus of
the party on celebrating your newlywed-hood, meeting your
new husband,
etc., not as a "make-up reception".
Best wishes and much happiness to you both!!
Sara Ambarian --Staff expert-- Foreverwed.com
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding
Personality and
Inspiration"/
creative consultant/custom bridal designer
mailto:sara@foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara
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Getting Married...
Second Time around
Second
Marriage FAQ
2nd Time around The
significance of a train
Post Wedding Receptions
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