If you are like most brides and grooms, the music that will be played during your wedding ceremony is very important to you -- but you may not have a clue how to go about selecting it!  This course is designed to assist couples like you in selecting your ceremony music.  The focus here is on the guidelines for American weddings, as customs do vary in other countries.

Setting Is Important

An important factor in choosing your music is the setting for  your wedding ceremony.  If your ceremony will not be in a religious setting, you can choose just about any kind of music you like -- although you will want to stay within the bounds of good taste!  You will also have more latitude to use either live music or recorded music during your ceremony if it is in a non-religious setting.

On the other hand, if your ceremony will be in a church or synagogue, or conducted by a clergy person at another location, you will probably need to stay within guidelines set by the clergy person or the church.

Most religious denominations consider a wedding ceremony to be a form of worship service.  For this reason, churches generally do not allow “secular” music (non-religious popular music) during a wedding.  Some will allow tasteful secular music while the guests are being seated, but not during the ceremony itself.  Check with the church where your wedding will be held for its specific guidelines.

Acceptable Lyrics for Church Weddings

How religious do the lyrics of a song have to be for a church wedding?  Songs that make respectful reference to God (or to Jesus or the Holy Spirit in Christian churches) are almost certain to be acceptable.  Many churches will also allow a song that does not make specific reference to a deity, as long as it focuses on religious ideals and values relating to love and marriage, such as faithfulness and mutual support.

Vocal Solos and Duets

Most weddings include a vocal soloist singing anywhere from one to four selections during the wedding ceremony, depending on the length of the ceremony.  The accompaniment is usually piano, acoustic guitar or harp.  A duet sung by a male-female vocal duo is often used instead of a solo, and can be very effective! You will probably need to hire live vocalist(s); many churches do not allow recorded music in wedding ceremonies, except perhaps recorded accompaniment for a live vocalist.

Places in the Ceremony for Vocal Selections

Appropriate places in the ceremony for vocal selections, depending on church guidelines, may include: (1) during the seating of the mothers or lighting of candles by the mothers; (2) immediately before the processional; (3) before the vows; (4) during the lighting of the Unity Candle; and (5) during the serving of communion to the congregation, if this is included in the ceremony.

Finding the Right Songs for You

Vocal music is probably the aspect of your wedding music selection where you will want to have the most personal involvement, since the songs include lyrics and you will want them to be especially meaningful for you.   Where can you find songs with just the right lyrics that will be acceptable in a church setting?  And preferably something you haven’t heard at a hundred other weddings?

First, ask your vocalist or accompanist for suggestions.  Have them show you their sheet music for the songs they suggest, and when you find one with lyrics you like, have them play or sing that song for you.

Before deciding whether the songs suggested by your musicians are really what you want, you should go to a store that sells sheet music and songbooks and browse in the wedding section.  (Look for printed music rather than recorded music, as your musicians will probably need printed music to work from.)  Chances are, you will find something that more closely expresses what you want to say than the songs suggested by your musicians.  If you don’t live near a store that sells sheet music and songbooks, or if you just prefer shopping on the Internet, take a look at the Truly Yours Music website, www.truly-yours.com.

Consider Having a Custom Song Written

Another option is to hire a composer/songwriter to write a special song for your wedding ceremony.  You provide the songwriter with information about you and your intended, how this relationship has changed your lives, and your hopes for the future.  Then the songwriter uses this information to create a song with lyrics that are uniquely yours -- a song that will probably be the highlight of your wedding ceremony music!  (You can indicate in the printed handout for your wedding ceremony that the song was written especially for you.)

There are several websites where custom songwriting services for weddings are offered, including www.thesaxman.com, www.songforyou.com and www.truly-yours.com.  Be sure to give the songwriter plenty of advance time before your wedding to complete the song.  Also, if you are getting married in a church, make sure the songwriter understands the church guidelines as to acceptable lyrics (see above).

Processionals, Recessionals and Other Instrumentals

What about the instrumental-only music for your wedding ceremony?  Your choices here may include the church organist or pianist, a string quartet, a harpist, or other instrumentalists.  If the musicians you choose are accustomed to playing at weddings, they should have a good repertoire of appropriate wedding instrumental music.  When you meet with them, they will probably be happy to play various pieces for you that can be used for the processionals and the recessional, so you can hear what they sound like and choose the ones that appeal to you most. 

You may wish to select one piece for the processional where the bridal party enters, a different one for the bride’s processional, and another for the recessional.  Popular selections include “Trumpet Voluntary” by Purcell, “Canon in D” by Pachelbel, and “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” by Bach. 

Pre-Ceremony Music

Typically the organist or other instrumentalists will provide music before the ceremony, while the guests are being seated.   However, vocal selections may also be included in the pre-ceremony music and, as mentioned earlier, some churches may allow tasteful secular songs to be sung during the pre-ceremony phase that they would not allow during the ceremony itself.  Many couples leave the choice of pre-ceremony music to the musicians, feeling they have enough decisions to make without adding this to the list!

Questions?

It is hoped that the information provided in this course will help you find just the right music for your special day.  If you have any questions, feel free to contact me, your ForeverWed professor of ceremony music, at songwriter@truly-yours.com.

Copyright 1999 Elaine McDonald
Wedding music composer and publisher, Truly Yours Music, www.truly-yours.com