What is the proper way to ask for
money in your invitations, instead of gifts?
It is in questionable taste,
according to all etiquette sources with which I am familiar, to
refer to gifts in *any* way on the invitation itself. And,
although I understand (the sometimes quite legitimate and logical
reasons) why some couples might prefer not to receive actual
physical gifts, it is never polite to **officially** ask for money
in or
on the invitation.
There are a few relatively acceptable steps a couple can take,
however, depending on the reason for asking for cash.
~ One good (and less-offensive) way to let guests know the
couples' gift preferences is for their close friends and family to
be informed, so that *should guests ask*, these people know know
the answers. If the couple is actively saving for some large
expense (and in need of money), rather than "just doesn't want"
gifts, many guests will likely be sympathetic to this preference.
~ If the reason the couple does not want gifts is that they either
do not have the room to store many possessions, or because they
already have all their household goods, then they can consider
asking that guests do not bring gifts at all. Some guests
find this less offensive than a request for money.
Etiquette sources disagree, however, as do guests and others
involved, as to whether or not it is acceptable to include a "no
gifts, please" notation on the invitation. In many western
US communities, this would not be considered in bad taste, but I
know that in some social circles, especially in the more
strictly-traditional eastern big cities and southern US
communities, ANY mention of gifts on or in the invitation is
considered rude.
Again, if it's not on the invitation, the family and wedding party
members could help spread the word *if guests ask them* about the
couple's preferences. Either way, this could be a more gracious
way for this couple to avoid gifts altogether.
~ If the couple doesn't want gifts because they are very
particular in their tastes, perhaps they might consider
registering for the specific gifts they would welcome.
Registries are now available in a variety of stores besides the
traditional department stores, so couples can now list their
preferences in not only housewares, but also building materials,
sporting goods, and many other items.
Not all guests enjoy using registries (I notice more and more
people mentioning that they dislike the whole idea), but it is a
currently
socially-acceptable way for couples to say "I want this". It
would certainly be preferable, from an etiquette standpoint, to
any request
for "cash only".
I hope that you find something here that's of help to you. Should
you have additional questions, feel free to contact me or
Foreverwed's other experts.
Good luck to you and to the couple.
Foreverwed.com expert-- Sara L. Ambarian
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding Personality and
Inspiration"/ creative consultant/ custom bridal designer
mailto:sara@www.foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara
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