How can one, with modesty request cash as a
wedding gift.
It is in questionable taste, according to all
etiquette sources with which I am familiar, to refer to gifts in *any* way on
the invitation
itself. And, although I understand (the sometimes quite legitimate and
logical reasons) why some couples might prefer not to receive actual
physical gifts, it is never polite to **officially** ask for money in or
on the invitation.
There are a few relatively acceptable steps a couple can take, however,
depending on the reason for asking for cash.
~ One good (and less-offensive) way to let guests know the couples' gift
preferences is for their close friends and family to be informed, so
that *should guests ask*, these people know know the answers. If the
couple is actively saving for some large
expense (and in need of money), rather than "just doesn't
want" gifts, many guests will likely be sympathetic to this preference.
~ If the reason the couple does not want gifts is that they either do
not have the room to store many possessions, or because they already
have all their household goods, then they can consider asking
that guests do not bring gifts at all. Some guests find this less
offensive than a request for money.
Etiquette sources disagree, however, as do guests and others involved,
as to whether or not it is acceptable to include a "no gifts, please"
notation on the invitation. In many western US communities, this would
not be considered in bad taste, but I know that in some social circles,
especially in the more strictly-traditional eastern big cities and
southern US communities, ANY mention of gifts on or in the invitation is
considered rude.
Again, if it's not on the invitation, the family and wedding party
members could help spread the word *if guests ask them* about the
couple's preferences. Either way, this could be a more gracious way for
this couple to avoid gifts altogether.
~ If the couple doesn't want gifts because they are very particular in
their tastes, perhaps they might consider registering for the specific
gifts they would welcome. Registries are now available in a variety of
stores besides the traditional department stores, so couples can now
list their preferences in not only house wares, but also building
materials, sporting goods, and many other items.
Not all guests enjoy using registries (I notice more and more people
mentioning that they dislike the whole idea), but it is a currently
socially-acceptable way for couples to say "I want this". It would
certainly be preferable, from an etiquette standpoint, to any request
for "cash only".
I hope that you find something here that's of help to you. Should you
have additional questions, feel free to contact me or Foreverwed's other
experts.
Good luck to you and to the couple.
Foreverwed.com expert-- Sara L. Ambarian
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding Personality and
Inspiration"/ creative consultant/ custom bridal designer
mailto:sara@www.foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara
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