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Tips for children participation
1. Ask the child in person. Run it by the
parent/s first and get their permission. Unless it is impossible though, a child
should be asked whether he or she wants to be in your wedding. Some don't enjoy
the idea, while others will embrace it.
2. Spend some time with the child before
the rehearsal and wedding. Not only can you explain the role and answer any
questions the child has, but you make the child feel like he or she is actually
participating in the wedding.
3. Keep the child up to date. This is
especially true for older children. You can mention such things as plans for
their attire, what kind of shoes they get to wear, accessories and so on. Many
of these suggestions have the same goal. The child should feel as if he or she
is a part of the wedding rather than a prop in the wedding.
4. Make sure the child is invited to the
rehearsal. Make every effort to insure he or she attends the rehearsal.
Rehearsals are even more important for children than adults. As the wedding
draws nearer, the older ones worry about "screwing up", while the younger ones
get increasingly nervous about their role. If this is their first wedding, it
can be incredibly nerve-wracking for them. The rehearsal helps to allay their
fears and gives you and opportunity to tell them they are doing a good job. Both
will help with this.
5. If possible, be sure to invite the
children to other festivities as well. This goes back to spending some time with
them. Whether you go shopping for attire with them or invite them to a (if it's
before bedtime or early) rehearsal dinner, they can further feel as if they are
a part of the wedding.
6. Consider making or purchasing a gift to
commemorate the wedding. My oldest daughter's favorite wedding items are her
flower baskets. They help her to remember details of the weddings she has been a
part of. She can tell you exactly how she tossed the petals from each basket,
whose wedding the basket came from, how her attire matched and can show them off
to her friends. Obviously, weddings can be important memories for children.
7. Seat the parent/s of the child in the
front row. If you plan on having the child stand with you during the entire
ceremony, this is a necessity. She or he may get restless or may tug on the
bride's dress and ask, "Are we done yet?" (an actual example by the way). Having
the parent nearby gives the child an option to sit down. If your ceremony will
be long, have the child walk down the aisle, then immediately sit with their
parent/s in the first row. Pre-teens and above are the only exception in this
case. Children younger than that will usually become quite impatient with long
ceremonies.
8. Consider having someone walk the child
down the aisle. This can be a parent or a bridesmaid. This works especially well
for younger children as walking down the aisle can seem scary for some of them.
9. Assign someone to help assure
everything goes smoothly during the ceremony. You don't want the ring-bearer to
wander off or the flower girl to start crying loudly right before the wedding
march. Having someone who is willing to watch over the children (especially if
they are younger) and entertain them can help minimize your chances of scenarios
like this. Children like to be paid attention to, and even someone who reminds
them of their duties will help. If possible, a parent of one (or more) child in
the wedding can take on this role.
10. Have a "goodie bag" at the reception
for the children in the wedding and those attending the wedding. This can be as
simple as a coloring book and small box of crayons. This will give the kids
something to do and will help in their behavior because they will occupied with
the goodies.
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