Ceremonial Expressions - Getting married for the Right Reasons
Written by Minister Phillip Waring

Everything was in place for the beautiful fall wedding. 
The chairs were in neat rows between the palm trees and rose bushes. The caterer filled the garden with the aroma of a champagne brunch. Their photographer finished with the early portraits. A chauffeur waited patiently in the driveway for the early noon limousine to the airport. The bride's father even paid for the honeymoon in Hawaii.

The bride was attended by her hairdresser, mother and wedding consultant. The far-away look in her eyes didn't surprise anyone and her silence that morning was dismissed as wedding-day jitters.

Decked-out in a military tuxedo, the groom had just flown around the world for the biggest day in his life. The mothers were seated in their places of honor. The string quartet continued to play as the bridesmaids marched to their rehearsed locations. Finally, the bride and her father came into view.

It was at that moment we noticed the bride was clutching her bouquet with one hand. Her other hand proceeded toward her head as she slid a French manicured thumbnail across her throat in a gesture of "cut." She was calling it off!

Everyone knows someone who should have called it off. There were doubts. There were signs that things weren't just right. For many it seemed too late to call it off. They weighed the expenses, emotional pain, inconvenience and consequences. They decided it was better to give it a try rather than disappoint everyone by canceling the wedding.

It would take a great deal of courage and confidence in oneself to postpone a ceremony or bring the wedding machine to a halt. For some, there would be temporary humiliation. Rest assured, the inconvenience and consequential divorce (with or without children) would be much worse.

Divorce statistics represent many people who went through with their wedding ceremonies without being completely confident. The pain inflicted by waiting would be far less than the torment of storming ahead.

Think it over! 
To say that a bride and groom aren't "being themselves" at such a time is an understatement. Uncontrolled pressure and unresolved problems in the relationship will undermine the best intentions. Couples need unreserved confidence about marriage.

Many people walk down the aisle within weeks or months of other big events like pregnancy, buying a new home, finishing school, changing careers or terminating other relationships. Couples often marry at vulnerable, or at the very least, confusing times in their lives. The bride or groom may very well be the source of their own pressure. It might be wise to stop and ask oneself, "What am I doing to myself?" Expecting too much? Pushing? Rushing? Clinging to unrealistic expectations? There is no better time than the present to conduct a personal inventory or self-analysis. Prayer and meditation were created for times like these! Identify and enumerate any problems in the relationship. It could be as simple as making a two column chart of pluses and minuses. If the minuses outnumber the pluses in your relationship you have every reason to rethink the idea of getting married. Feelings aren't everything, but if it feels bad, it probably is bad. Talk it over! Get another perspective if you can. Discuss your list of thoughts and self-analysis with a parent, trusted friend, minister or counselor. It is extremely therapeutic to share such burdensome thoughts with another person. If a couple could survive the turbulence of postponing a wedding, they would be better equipped to handle problems the future may hold in their marriage. If postponing the wedding ruined the relationship, it might not have endured the real challenges of marriage anyway. Postponing or calling-off a wedding wouldn't be the end of the world. It would allow a couple time to think and the relationship to grow…wonderfully together or realistically apart.

 
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