A. Dear Amy,
You are faced with the most common struggle that most brides and grooms face - trying to
keep your wedding budget under control, while not making enemies with friends and family.
Though I certainly understand your desire for the simplicity of a "one-stop
shop" type invitation for your event, I can't recommend it. I do think there are ways
to keep the guest list down for your second reception in Philadelphia, but invitations to
this should be separate from your initial wedding invitations. When you send out the
wedding invitations, you are wise to send them to everyone on your list. Then as you begin
to get back your RSVP's you can formulate a mailing list for invitations to the second
reception using those regrets you receive for the wedding in Michigan. You could possibly
have three choices for spots to check on your initial response card, reading something
like this:____ Accept with pleasure
____ Decline with regret
____ Distance prohibits me from attending the wedding. Please notify me of any reception
plans in Philadelphia.
By putting your choices this way, it gives those who choose to attend the initial
wedding/reception a hint that they aren't invited to both events. (It is not traditional
that you are expected to entertain everyone at two receptions for your wedding. You may,
however, be wise to bite the bullet and invite some of your closest family members, such
as parents and grandparents, sisters& brothers, etc., just to keep peace.) Those who
are not members of the immediate family will get over it. Hopefully, with immediate family
members you can be open with them about budgetary constraints and find a delicate way of
soliciting financial assistance. (I can't judge that for you, not knowing anything about
your individual family situations.)
You are fortunate that you have some time to get these bugs worked out. The extra expense
you have for sending out a second invitation will be small, compared to hurt feelings for
those who might want to attend your wedding, and feel they're not invited if they can only
make the event in Philadelphia. You have the luxury of 2 months' time between the first
and second event, so you can send the invitations to the second reception after you return
from your honeymoon, if that occurs immediately following the wedding & reception #1.
Also, please bear in mind that the purpose of a reception is for receiving family and
friends, and there is no rule that you have to have both events be identical in terms of
their formality, time of day, menu, entertainment, etc. One way to cut costs is to keep
the second reception less formal, perhaps holding it as a brunch/open house type event
during the day, rather than an evening event with dinner and a band. Though you may wish
to do both, when you look at cost a day time event will definitely keep your costs down on
food, alcohol, and the length of time people typically
linger at the event. Also, your invitations to the second reception can be less formal and
much less expensive.
Hope these tips provide you some food for thought. Best of luck to you in your planning.
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